My parents shared their marriage vows in the warm summer of 1955. Like so many couples, their marriage followed a winding road. There were house moves, career changes, two kids, and all the ups and downs that life inevitably brings.
What I witnessed every day growing up was a life marked by love, faithfulness, and commitment. They laughed together, carried burdens together, and walked through difficult seasons side by side. Even as their health declined later in life, their marriage remained strong. They passed away in the same year after being married for more than 63 years.
Looking back now, I realize what a gift it was to grow up watching that kind of love lived out every day.
So how do you build a strong marriage that lasts?
Marriage Is a Covenant, Not a Contract
Foundations are important. Any builder knows that if the foundation is even slightly off, the building will eventually lean and become unstable. In the same way, if the foundation of a marriage is off, those imbalances will eventually show themselves over time.
While romance is important in marriage, romantic feelings alone aren’t strong enough to sustain a lifelong relationship. Feelings naturally ebb and flow. A strong marriage is built on something deeper: the commitment to love.
A contract is transactional and can be broken. A covenant is an agreement of the heart. It’s a promise to stay committed for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health. It’s choosing love and commitment every single day, even when life becomes difficult.
That’s the kind of foundation that lasts a lifetime.
Communication Is the Lifeblood
Over the years, I’ve spent time with many struggling couples, and one issue surfaces again and again: communication. When communication breaks down, the lifeblood of a marriage begins to weaken.
“We never talk anymore” is a phrase I’ve heard many times.
The wedding day is easy. It’s the marriage itself that requires intentionality.
Listen with empathy. Speak with grace and honesty. Learn how to resolve conflict in healthy ways.
Communication also extends to the spiritual level. Pray together. Attend church together. Encourage each other’s spiritual growth and relationship with God.
And communication is about far more than words. Non-verbal connection matters deeply too. A shared glance across a room, holding hands, a gentle touch on the shoulder, or simply putting your arms around each other can quietly communicate love, safety, and connection.
When couples intentionally keep that communication lifeline open, they strengthen the foundation of their marriage.
Honouring Each Other in Marriage
When I perform weddings, I often use the symbol of a rose. A rose doesn’t become beautiful on its own. It needs to be watered, nurtured, and carefully tended by a gardener.
Marriage is much the same way. A strong marriage requires continual care and attention. It needs to be watered with love, compassion, patience, kindness, and grace. The weeds of anger, bitterness, resentment, and unforgiveness need to be pulled out before they take root and slowly choke the relationship.
And just like a rose has thorns, every marriage will experience painful moments and difficult seasons. There will be misunderstandings, disappointments, losses, and challenges along the way. But when couples navigate those thorns with humility, wisdom, forgiveness, and commitment, their marriage can continue to grow and flourish into something truly beautiful.
Marriage is the most important human relationship we’ll ever have. Because of that, it needs to be protected and nurtured.
How Do We Cultivate Honour?
Set Healthy Boundaries
Couples need to set healthy boundaries and prioritize each other above distractions. Your spouse is more important than your friends, your career, your hobbies, and yes, even your children.
Children grow up and eventually leave home. A husband and wife remain together, and that relationship needs ongoing care and protection.
Show Respect
To honour your spouse means showing respect in both words and actions. It means valuing them publicly and privately.
How we speak to and about our spouse matters.
Express Gratitude Often
Simple gratitude goes a long way in a marriage. Thank your spouse for making dinner, helping around the house, running errands, or taking care of everyday responsibilities.
Small acts of appreciation build connection over time.
Be Careful With Your Words
Speak kindly to one another. Serve each other in practical ways. Often it’s the small daily acts of kindness that strengthen a marriage the most.
Encouragement matters. Genuine compliments, affirmation, and words of support can breathe life into a relationship. Every marriage should strive to create a home atmosphere marked by peace, warmth, and respect.
Avoid Criticism and Sarcasm
Dishonour can quietly erode a marriage over time. Criticism, sarcasm, contempt, and harsh words, even when disguised as humour, can wound a relationship.
Words have power. They can either build up or tear down. (Proverbs 18:21)
Speak Life Into Your Marriage
Taking each other for granted, comparing your marriage to others, or speaking negatively about your spouse to other people are all destructive habits that weaken the foundation of a relationship.
Marriage is the most important relationship with the most important person in your life. Honouring each other is a lifelong investment that brings tremendous rewards over time.
The Ongoing Investment in Marriage
For some couples, marriage slowly loses its spark over the years, and the relationship drifts into mere convenience and companionship rather than deep love, friendship, and mutual support.
Years ago, Sandra had a conversation with a judge who presided over divorce proceedings. The judge told her that divorce most commonly happens either before five years of marriage or after twenty-five years.
It happens before five years because couples often discover they didn’t truly know each other and struggle to overcome their differences. And it happens after twenty-five years because the children are grown and gone, and the couple suddenly realizes they’ve become strangers, they became “Mom and Dad” more than husband and wife.
Children are a blessing, but they eventually grow up and leave home. Couples who neglect emotional connection can slowly drift apart over time.
The greatest gift we can give our children is a healthy, loving marriage.
So how do we maintain that connection? How do we keep our marriages strong and stable through the years?
On a practical level, husbands and wives need to intentionally reconnect emotionally. Life becomes busy, and countless things compete for our attention. That’s why couples need to intentionally spend time together, laugh together, and create space for meaningful conversation.
Date nights are one way to keep friendship alive. And they don’t need to be elaborate or expensive. Go out for coffee. Take a walk together. Share a quiet meal at home or at a favourite restaurant. If possible, plan an occasional weekend getaway.
Strong marriages are rarely built through grand gestures. More often, they’re built through small acts of consistency repeated over many years.
As you intentionally invest in your marriage, your children will one day thank you for it, not only while they’re young, but also when they build marriages of their own and follow your example.
Navigating Difficult Seasons Together
The reality is that life throws curveballs at all of us. None of us knows what’s waiting around the next corner.
Financial struggles, parenting pressures, health challenges, grief, disappointment, and emotional exhaustion can all place strain on a marriage.
During those seasons, it’s important to stay united rather than allowing hardship to divide you. Marriage is a partnership, and that means facing life’s challenges together.
Difficult seasons require grace, patience, understanding, and perseverance.
And sometimes the challenges become overwhelming. In those moments, seeking outside support can be incredibly helpful. That might include pastoral counselling, a trusted Christian mentor couple, or professional counselling.
Asking for help isn’t a sign of weakness. Sometimes marriages need extra support to help repair the cracks that naturally appear over time.
Conclusion
Strong marriages don’t happen accidentally. Love flourishes through intentionality, sacrifice, honour, grace, and faith.
One of the beautiful realities of marriage is that it reflects Christ’s relationship with His church. As we love, honour, forgive, and value our spouses, our marriages become a picture of Christ’s love for us.
Because of that, we continually choose to love one another through every changing season of life and marriage.
In the hundreds of weddings I’ve officiated, I always share the words of 1 Corinthians 13:4-8:
“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking,self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects,
always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.”Let this kind of love be the love that marks your marriage.
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