When Sheep Bite: Loving People Through Criticism in Ministry

Ministry is a beautiful, messy calling, one that walks hand in hand with both the brokenness and brilliance of humanity. In this honest reflection, we share some of the hardest words we’ve heard in decades of pastoral ministry, the kind that sting long after they’re spoken and the deeper lessons they’ve taught us about perspective, grace, and loving people even when it’s hard. If you’ve ever felt the weight of criticism or wondered how to keep going when ministry hurts, this is for you. There’s hope, healing, and encouragement on the other side of every hard moment.

Serving in ministry means walking alongside both the beauty and the brokenness of humanity. People are people. They can be your greatest joy and, at times, your greatest sorrow. Yet God entrusts pastors with all of them.

We all carry both good and painful experiences. Some wounds leave scars that last a lifetime. Pastoring, then, becomes a continual lesson in loving people, even when you don’t know the full story. Those who are hurting and in the healing process sometimes lash out. And at times, people simply speak whatever comes to mind without realizing the weight of their words.

You may also find yourself stepping into a church where tearing down the pastor has become “just the way things are.” It’s painful, discouraging, and deeply unhealthy but it can change. Culture doesn’t shift through wishful thinking; it shifts through patient leadership, consistent modelling of honour, clear expectations, and a renewed, Spirit-led vision.

Just remember: it won’t change overnight. You will take some hits along the way. Culture transformation is a journey, often slow and costly but absolutely worth it.

(We’ll talk more about how to navigate and lead through a culture shift in another blog post.)

Things We’ve Heard Along the Way

Here are just a few of the comments we’ve had said to us over the years (and yes – we still remember them):

1. “You mainlanders should go back to the mainland.” (We were 21, just a couple weeks into our first ministry.)

2. “This is the worst youth party I’ve ever been to.”

3. “I’m so sorry I ever voted your husband in as lead pastor of this church.” (Said through gritted teeth.)

4. “We don’t know why you came here.”

5. “I would never lead a church this way.”

6. “Hi, poodle head.” (About Peter’s hair way back in the day.)

7. “Do you always shout when you preach?”

8. “This church just keeps getting worse.” (Said while it was growing in unprecedented ways.)

9. “So many people are saying…” 

10. “This is a dog and pony show.”

11. “You don’t want revival.” (Even though we had been praying for it and experiencing a move of God.)

12. “If you keep preaching that the baptism in the Holy Spirit is a normal Christian experience, I’ll have to leave.”

13. “The previous pastor’s wife would never have done that.”

And that’s just a sample. Alongside these words came petitions to remove staff, secret meetings and even death threats (2 in 40 years). Those moments cut deeply.

The Other Side of the Story 

Still, in ministry, criticism echoes loudly, especially in the early years.

Why? Because when you’ve given your life to serve, you don’t expect harshness from fellow believers. You expect the fruit of the Spirit – love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control (Galatians 5:22–23). That’s why it hurts when people question your heart, your commitment, your ability, or your love. 

But people are people. And pastors are people too – we misstep, we learn and we grow.

A Lesson in Perspective

In my 30s, I once sobbed on the phone to an older pastor’s wife over a petition circulating to remove a staff member. She listened patiently, with grace. Then replied with words that shocked me: 

“Oh Sandra, is that all?”

What felt like the end of the world to me was, to her, just another valley in the landscape of ministry. That perspective grounded me. 

Another lesson: when someone says, “Everyone is saying…”it’s almost never true. A wise friend one advised us: “take names, and keep lists and you will discover that the “everyone” is a hand full of people.”

We’ve heard this line many times in ministry, and our response has become: “I’d be happy to talk with them about it, could you share their names so I can reach out?”

Without fail, the list of names never comes. Perspective is everything.

Take sounds levels, for example.. One person says, “It’s too loud.” But if 100 others are worshiping freely, do you adjust this for one?? Wisdom says no.

Instead, respond with grace and leadership: 

“Thank you for sharing your thoughts. We’re monitoring sound levels carefully and doing our best to serve the whole church family” I have also responded with “if 10 people think it’s too loud and 990 people think it’s just right, what should we do?” It helps people think outside of their own preferences and acknowledge there are a lot of opinions that need to be weighed. The final decision is yours as a leader. People don’t often know what’s best for everyone. Leaders have to lead.

These approaches acknowledge concerns while keeping the focus on the greater good.

Love People Regardless

If you’re in ministry, you know: your whole life is poured out for the body of Christ. You sacrifice. You weep. You pray. You seek God’s wisdom. And through it all, you continue to love the people He has entrusted to you. 

As Paul wrote,

“We loved you so much that we were delighted to share with you not only the gospel of God but our lives as well” (1 Thessalonians 2:8).

That’s pastoring. Not just preaching – but pouring out your life. It’s keeping a soft heart and a strong back.

Paul, who knew the sting of criticism, also urged us: 

“Do not grow weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up” (Galatians 6:9).

Responding Like Jesus

So how do we respond to hurtful words? With mercy. With forgiveness. With perseverance. 

“Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love” (Ephesians 4:2). 

That isn’t easy, but it is the way of Jesus.

If I’m honest, I haven’t always responded with gentleness, especially in my younger years. I had to learn often the hard way to hold my tongue and resist the urge to lash back. 

Sometimes the best response is silence, other times, firmness wrapped in kindness is needed. Gentleness is not weakness. Strong leadership doesn’t mean defending yourself – it means honouring Christ in both words and posture. 

How To Respond

Criticism is unavoidable in ministry, but how you respond can either deepen your character or drain you. Here are practical, grace filled ways to navigate hard moments with wisdom and love:

1. Pause Before You Respond

Take a breath. Pray. Step back.
A delayed response is almost always a wiser response. Giving yourself space protects you from reacting out of hurt and helps you answer with clarity. Never respond to a difficult email immediately AND always respond with a phone call or meeting not an email response.

2. Ask God for Perspective

Not every comment carries equal weight.
Ask: Is this coming from pain? Preference? Personality? Or a legitimate concern?
Perspective lifts you out of the emotional moment and gives you long-term vision.

3. Look for the Gold

Sometimes hidden inside criticism is a piece of truth that can help you grow.
You don’t need to agree with the tone to learn from the content.

4. Respond With Grace and Confidence

Grace says, “Thank you for sharing your thoughts.” Confidence says, “I will weigh this carefully, but I still must lead.” Both can coexist. Leaders can be kind and decisive.

5. Don’t Internalize Anonymous Comments

“Everyone is saying…” is rarely true. Ask for names. If names don’t come, release the weight. Don’t feel obligated to read an anonymous note – if a name isn’t on it, feel free to toss it.
You are not responsible to chase shadows.

6. Seek Wise Counsel

Talk with a trusted pastor, mentor, or friend someone who loves you but isn’t impressed by you. Their perspective can diffuse the emotion and anchor you in truth.

7. Guard Your Heart Without Closing It

Set healthy boundaries, but don’t harden your spirit. A guarded heart protects your calling.
A closed heart prevents you from growth and loving well.

8. Remember the 100:1 Ratio

For every one critical comment, there are likely a hundred people who are being ministered to, strengthened, and helped because of your obedience. Don’t let one voice drown out the many.

9. Keep Loving Even When It Hurts

Nothing disarms criticism like Christlike love. Choose forgiveness. Choose kindness. Choose to bless. You are never more like Jesus than when you love those who wound you. Jesus washing Judas feet for me, will forever stand as one of the most selfless, love filled moments in scripture. (John 13:1–17)

10. Let the Holy Spirit Do What You Cannot

You are not responsible to fix people, change hearts, or convince anyone of your value.
Your job is obedience; God handles the rest.

11. Keep the Final Goal in View

Ministry isn’t measured in moments it’s measured in seasons. One harsh comment does not define your calling. Stay faithful, stay steady, and keep your eyes on caring for those God has entrusted you with.

The Final Word

Ministry will always hold both wounds and encouragement. Our call is not to avoid pain, but to keep loving faithfully – knowing Jesus Himself is our strength, our shield and our reward.